Welcoming the new Decade

Just like that a decade came and went in what seems to be a blink of an eye. Is it me or is time speeding up?.

Well either way, Hello and Welcome 2020!

A new decade to enjoy and savor.

To seize the day and hours, bending time to our will.

Looking at the journey ahead, planning the best route to get there.

Knowing that the destination will be reached

with each step taken.

Setting ourselves up to soar

above the petty nonsense.

To roll on by the difficulties

and focus on enjoying the harvest.

The bounties of abundance 

above us,

and right under our noses.

Taking that day off to go to the beach.

Watching the sunset,

 and studying cloud formations.

Looking up to the sky, only to find it's looking down on you.

Always speaking to you of what's to come.

Preparing you,

lighting your way

through the cold and dark

days of the winter solstice.

Finding warmth in large coffee cups and study notes.

Being dazzled by the sunsets

 and sunrises.

Enjoying the holiday

traditions and 

nuestra comida.

Visiting the greenhouses

and drinking in the colorful beauty

of these displays.

 Feeling the holiday majic in the air.

Being reminded to hold our head up high.

 Confronting whatever comes our way with dignity.

 Never forgetting that you are stronger than whatever obstacles appear before you.

This is the last sunset of 2019.

Gratefully the last ice storm too,

but certainly not the last of the neverending synchronistic moments,

that spice up the day with mystery.

Reminding you of how much more to life there is.

Places, people and things to inspire and humble you.

That will fill your heart with gratitude,

and make you stop for a moment.

Being here and now,

enjoying this decade before another one goes flying by.

The first year of Grief

A year ago today I lost my mother, father, best friend and mentor, 

I had Abuela's care package by the door to take to her, some more Ensure, blueberries and an hallaca.

Then at 7am, the phone rang to tell me she had passed away in her sleep in the early morning.

Just like that, she was gone and time stood still for me. One of my biggest fears had come to pass.

No words can articulate the pain and grief. They say are 5-stages-of-grief  and I wish it was that simple but it's not.
My stages have been the initial shock, pain, and sorrow with tsunamis of grief.
Tsunamis that leave me lying on the kitchen floor crying from the pain of her death.
She is gone is my only train of thought and the depth of her loss filets me like a fish. So I lay on the floor bleeding my pain and sorrow.
Not sure about time healing all wounds as much as a persons ability to adapt to the changes forced upon them.
Keeping busy helped buy some time for my grieving mind. I had to dismantle the life she had built, piece by piece, Learning more about her in the process and reminding myself of the caliber of the woman who raised me. The strength, tenacity, and bravery by which she lived her life was my crutch. It carried me through those times when all I could see is the image of her lying dead in her bed. That surreal moment when I looked around her room, at everything left behind. For she took nothing with her, not even her body.
For months Abuela had been preparing me for her death, trying to make me understand this how the world works. Telling me not to get sick on the nerves over her death because it's natural. People die and are born every day. Pero nothing can prepare you for death, not even if you see it coming.
It guts you regardless and you carry on, regardless.
The first holidays were horrible reminders of what we had lost and I know that from here on end, they always will be. Best to make peace with that now.

This was her place at the Thanksgiving meal.

My ofrenda for all Souls day with all her favorite things.
It is both comforting and painful at the same time.
Comforting because it reminds me that she is always with me.
Painful because it reminds that I won't ever see her again.

So I honor her by cooking the comida she taught me to make and keeping our traditions alive.
Passing the pearls of wisdom onto my daughters that she learned from her mother. This will keep her alive for generations to come.

Te extraño con toda mi alma Abuela, que en paz decanse.